James
Q: How many hours do you work each week?
I work from five to twelve from Tuesday through Sunday and it ends up being about forty-five hours on average.
Q: What do you do on Mondays when you’re off?
I’m usually at home bored, looking for someone to chill with, or I just keep to myself.
Q: What do you use the money for?
Sometimes I spend it on clothes, or I put it into my savings. And each month I pay the utility bill for my mom, about two-hundred bucks.
Q: So you live with your mom?
Yeah, my mom, brother, sister, step-sister, and dad, but the dad issue is a little complex.
Q: Why is the dad issue complex?
I’m not exactly sure if he’s my real dad. When he got locked up, he started saying that he wanted to do a DNA test.
Q: Is there another potential father that you know about?
Yeah, so my mom and dad, David, had a one night stand and nine months later I was born. But at the time, my mom was with another guy named James that I’m named after. At first we lived with James but he was in and out of jail.
Q: When did James leave?
He left when I was in the hospital after I got hit by a truck.
Q: Were you walking when you were hit?
No, I was in second grade and I lived by my friend Kevin’s house. We got bored so we decided to bike around and jump some ramps. At one point, I just didn’t look and crossed the street and a truck hit me from the side. I don’t remember anything after that, but I’ve heard stories.
Q: What are the stories like?
They told me that the impact threw me on to the curb and I had a huge knot on my head. And they said that the truck ran over my body after the first hit so I had tire tracks on my back. My friend Leo’s dad was across the street and he came and turned me over so I began to cough up blood, otherwise I would’ve probably died. I ended up staying in the hospital for about eight months, and I don’t remember much of that either. That’s when James left.
Q: Do you resent James?
Yeah, he left my mom when she needed him the most when I was in the hospital. And he was always abusive, drunk, and in and out of jail.
Q: Did he abuse you?
No, he was just abusive toward my mom. I was usually in my room when he would come home drunk and angry. My mom would protect me from seeing all of that as much as she could. I wanted to stop him when he abused my mom, but I couldn’t because he would just pick me up by my shirt or throw me to the ground.
Q: Have you talked to him since you were in the hospital?
He messaged me on Facebook asking me to meet with him and forgive him and wanting to talk to my brother and sister. I told him we could meet whenever he wanted, but he never responded. He made another account and messaged me again, but I didn’t respond.
Q: So if there was a DNA test, would you want it to prove that David was your father?
I don’t know. My mom asked me if I wanted one done and if my attitude will change toward David. I said nothing will change. No matter what happens, I will have no feelings toward anyone trying to be a father figure. I would rather my mom find someone she’s happy with and me do my own thing.
Q: Why wouldn’t you care?
The only real father I’ve ever had is my mother and no DNA test will change that. I don’t care who it is. Nothing will change my attitude toward them. If y’all haven’t noticed, some of these things that I’ve said have made me want to cry. Especially the accident. I had to look down to hold it back.
Q: Do you talk to your mom about these kinds of things?
I’m very close with my mom, but I don’t want to put everything on her. My entire life she has shielded me from everything and protected me. Now I feel like doing things on my own is ok because she did everything for me.
Q: If you could change one thing about your past what would it be?
Sometimes I wonder where I would be and what I would be doing if it weren’t for the accident. If it wasn’t for the accident and the hospital, there wouldn’t be a reason for James to leave. I don’t know why he left, but my mom says he left because he couldn’t deal with it.
Q: Do you ever worry about ending up like David or James?
Yeah, they both had major anger issues. After the accident, I started having anger issues too. When I’m angry I get mad, sometimes I punch something, or I walk around and do my breathing exercises. Right now, I have a lot of anger built up and I don’t know what to do with it. My mom told me that I act like James sometimes. She said that I was going to end up in jail too and be just like him. When she said that I was pissed because when people say I’m going to end up that way because of how I was acting once, they are pretending like they know my future. That’s why I’m going to prove everyone wrong.
******* James returned to talk to us a few days later********
So the other day I was at work and all was well until my aunt texted me out of nowhere asking me what I was doing. I told her I was working. She asked me when I get off and for our apartment number. I told her, didn’t want to ask why. Twenty minutes later I went for my break and they were all across the street at the McDonalds. My entire mom’s side, at least the adults. We started talking about work, life, and school. I told them about my other plans after high school. Pipefitting. I was going to go to work for eight hours, then go to school for four hours. School twice a week and a raise every six months. Then I went back to work. After a while my managers came up to me and said the cops were talking to my family across the street. I went to go check it out. Everyone was talking to the cops. My aunt told me that they were talking to the police because my mom called them saying that my stepdad hit her and that’s why they all drove over from San Antonio. My sister was in the same room as them when it happened. I was mad so I took my shirt off and wrapped it around my hand and punched the dumpster. Everyone was trying to calm me down. And then because I’m eighteen, I could let the cops in to check out the apartment. I went in there first to see if anyone was there. The TV was on, the lights were on, and the dogs were barking but the place was empty. They checked the place out, but said they couldn’t do anything because my mom and step-dad weren’t there. Eventually the cops left, and my mom texted my brother telling him to tell my family to leave and go back to San Antonio where they came from. They stayed for a bit and then left. My grandma didn’t want to leave us there by ourselves but she knew she had to. I went inside and packed my stuff up and after ten minutes my mom and sister got to the house. I deadbolted the door, headed to my room, and not too much later someone tried to come in but couldn’t. I knew it was my step-dad so I didn’t open it, but my brother did.
I left that night and I haven’t been back since. It’s the only way I knew how to stay out of trouble. I knew if I saw a bruise on her or anything, I would’ve sat there and waited for him and taken things into my own hands. My mom and sister went straight to their rooms that night so I never saw.
Q: Are you ever going to go back and live there?
I’m not even going to visit until I graduate, find a job, and my own place.
Q: What about your mom?
My mom texted me after that first night and asked if I was ok and I never texted her back. Then the next day she was blowing up my phone telling me that I needed to come back. She said I don’t know how to answer her. She asked me how I could just leave without telling her. I don’t think she took me seriously when I said that I’m looking for an excuse to leave that house. I told everyone that I would leave. Told my brother too. That’s all I heard growing up anyway. Someone would do something to upset her and she would have all of us on the couch telling us why we were wrong and then she would start crying and she would say that we would all find someone and leave her alone at the house. That’s always been stuck in my head. You know what, it’s coming true. I am leaving her at the house. I’m about to be nineteen years old. I’m not going back. If you want to be happy, you want to be with him instead, that’s fine go ahead. Be happy. I’m not going through all that stuff again.
Q: All what stuff?
All my life, even when James was around I would see my mom get hit. James was the same way when he was drunk.
Q: Do you know why David and your mom got in a fight this time?
They got in a fight because when he was arrested for failure to pay child support, he left his phone behind and my mom looked through his phone. She saw that he was texting some other woman, so he got mad and said that it was his private property and that she had no right to look through it. But they were married. They started arguing about it and he told my sister to leave, she didn’t though. That’s why she saw the whole thing. Nothing she could do about it though.
Q: Why do you think your mom stays with David?
I don’t know. They’re high school sweethearts I guess. She wants to be happy.
Q: Where did you go when you left?
I spent the night on the street. At first I was at an automotive place with lights everywhere waiting for the storm to pass, but it never did. I tried to go to the bridge under seventh street where it would be dry, but I ended up on the steps of a restaurant by there. I had one backpack between my legs, another one on my back. I spent the night next to the bike rack just listening to music half-asleep, half-awake.
Q: Did you get much sleep?
No, I hardly got any. Every little sound would wake me up. I would look around to make sure everything was alright and check my surroundings. I don’t know how long I ended up asleep for. Around 6 AM, I started hearing cars so I got up. The restaurant opened around then so I felt it was my time to go anyway. I ate there that morning and some woman paid for my meal.
Q: Did you recognize anyone there that may have paid for you?
There was a woman who looked at me and then did a double take. Like she knew me, but wasn’t quite sure. I never got a good look at her and she left before I found out that she paid.
James, by the age of eighteen, watched two different men repeatedly physically abuse his mother, watched those same two men travel in and out of prison, was run over by a large truck causing one father figure to leave, the other asked for a test to prove that he was not the father, works forty-five hours a week to support himself on top of a full course load of high school classes, and is still graduating this year. That is an exceptional accomplishment worthy of praise. It is easy to forget how much our students overcome daily beyond their academic performance. The weight of the world can hang quite heavy on many of their shoulders.
If you, or someone you know is in an emotionally, physically, or psychologically abusive relationship, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available to help. Their phone number is 1-800-799-7233. They provide victim support services to help abused individuals find safety.
Q: How many hours do you work each week?
I work from five to twelve from Tuesday through Sunday and it ends up being about forty-five hours on average.
Q: What do you do on Mondays when you’re off?
I’m usually at home bored, looking for someone to chill with, or I just keep to myself.
Q: What do you use the money for?
Sometimes I spend it on clothes, or I put it into my savings. And each month I pay the utility bill for my mom, about two-hundred bucks.
Q: So you live with your mom?
Yeah, my mom, brother, sister, step-sister, and dad, but the dad issue is a little complex.
Q: Why is the dad issue complex?
I’m not exactly sure if he’s my real dad. When he got locked up, he started saying that he wanted to do a DNA test.
Q: Is there another potential father that you know about?
Yeah, so my mom and dad, David, had a one night stand and nine months later I was born. But at the time, my mom was with another guy named James that I’m named after. At first we lived with James but he was in and out of jail.
Q: When did James leave?
He left when I was in the hospital after I got hit by a truck.
Q: Were you walking when you were hit?
No, I was in second grade and I lived by my friend Kevin’s house. We got bored so we decided to bike around and jump some ramps. At one point, I just didn’t look and crossed the street and a truck hit me from the side. I don’t remember anything after that, but I’ve heard stories.
Q: What are the stories like?
They told me that the impact threw me on to the curb and I had a huge knot on my head. And they said that the truck ran over my body after the first hit so I had tire tracks on my back. My friend Leo’s dad was across the street and he came and turned me over so I began to cough up blood, otherwise I would’ve probably died. I ended up staying in the hospital for about eight months, and I don’t remember much of that either. That’s when James left.
Q: Do you resent James?
Yeah, he left my mom when she needed him the most when I was in the hospital. And he was always abusive, drunk, and in and out of jail.
Q: Did he abuse you?
No, he was just abusive toward my mom. I was usually in my room when he would come home drunk and angry. My mom would protect me from seeing all of that as much as she could. I wanted to stop him when he abused my mom, but I couldn’t because he would just pick me up by my shirt or throw me to the ground.
Q: Have you talked to him since you were in the hospital?
He messaged me on Facebook asking me to meet with him and forgive him and wanting to talk to my brother and sister. I told him we could meet whenever he wanted, but he never responded. He made another account and messaged me again, but I didn’t respond.
Q: So if there was a DNA test, would you want it to prove that David was your father?
I don’t know. My mom asked me if I wanted one done and if my attitude will change toward David. I said nothing will change. No matter what happens, I will have no feelings toward anyone trying to be a father figure. I would rather my mom find someone she’s happy with and me do my own thing.
Q: Why wouldn’t you care?
The only real father I’ve ever had is my mother and no DNA test will change that. I don’t care who it is. Nothing will change my attitude toward them. If y’all haven’t noticed, some of these things that I’ve said have made me want to cry. Especially the accident. I had to look down to hold it back.
Q: Do you talk to your mom about these kinds of things?
I’m very close with my mom, but I don’t want to put everything on her. My entire life she has shielded me from everything and protected me. Now I feel like doing things on my own is ok because she did everything for me.
Q: If you could change one thing about your past what would it be?
Sometimes I wonder where I would be and what I would be doing if it weren’t for the accident. If it wasn’t for the accident and the hospital, there wouldn’t be a reason for James to leave. I don’t know why he left, but my mom says he left because he couldn’t deal with it.
Q: Do you ever worry about ending up like David or James?
Yeah, they both had major anger issues. After the accident, I started having anger issues too. When I’m angry I get mad, sometimes I punch something, or I walk around and do my breathing exercises. Right now, I have a lot of anger built up and I don’t know what to do with it. My mom told me that I act like James sometimes. She said that I was going to end up in jail too and be just like him. When she said that I was pissed because when people say I’m going to end up that way because of how I was acting once, they are pretending like they know my future. That’s why I’m going to prove everyone wrong.
******* James returned to talk to us a few days later********
So the other day I was at work and all was well until my aunt texted me out of nowhere asking me what I was doing. I told her I was working. She asked me when I get off and for our apartment number. I told her, didn’t want to ask why. Twenty minutes later I went for my break and they were all across the street at the McDonalds. My entire mom’s side, at least the adults. We started talking about work, life, and school. I told them about my other plans after high school. Pipefitting. I was going to go to work for eight hours, then go to school for four hours. School twice a week and a raise every six months. Then I went back to work. After a while my managers came up to me and said the cops were talking to my family across the street. I went to go check it out. Everyone was talking to the cops. My aunt told me that they were talking to the police because my mom called them saying that my stepdad hit her and that’s why they all drove over from San Antonio. My sister was in the same room as them when it happened. I was mad so I took my shirt off and wrapped it around my hand and punched the dumpster. Everyone was trying to calm me down. And then because I’m eighteen, I could let the cops in to check out the apartment. I went in there first to see if anyone was there. The TV was on, the lights were on, and the dogs were barking but the place was empty. They checked the place out, but said they couldn’t do anything because my mom and step-dad weren’t there. Eventually the cops left, and my mom texted my brother telling him to tell my family to leave and go back to San Antonio where they came from. They stayed for a bit and then left. My grandma didn’t want to leave us there by ourselves but she knew she had to. I went inside and packed my stuff up and after ten minutes my mom and sister got to the house. I deadbolted the door, headed to my room, and not too much later someone tried to come in but couldn’t. I knew it was my step-dad so I didn’t open it, but my brother did.
I left that night and I haven’t been back since. It’s the only way I knew how to stay out of trouble. I knew if I saw a bruise on her or anything, I would’ve sat there and waited for him and taken things into my own hands. My mom and sister went straight to their rooms that night so I never saw.
Q: Are you ever going to go back and live there?
I’m not even going to visit until I graduate, find a job, and my own place.
Q: What about your mom?
My mom texted me after that first night and asked if I was ok and I never texted her back. Then the next day she was blowing up my phone telling me that I needed to come back. She said I don’t know how to answer her. She asked me how I could just leave without telling her. I don’t think she took me seriously when I said that I’m looking for an excuse to leave that house. I told everyone that I would leave. Told my brother too. That’s all I heard growing up anyway. Someone would do something to upset her and she would have all of us on the couch telling us why we were wrong and then she would start crying and she would say that we would all find someone and leave her alone at the house. That’s always been stuck in my head. You know what, it’s coming true. I am leaving her at the house. I’m about to be nineteen years old. I’m not going back. If you want to be happy, you want to be with him instead, that’s fine go ahead. Be happy. I’m not going through all that stuff again.
Q: All what stuff?
All my life, even when James was around I would see my mom get hit. James was the same way when he was drunk.
Q: Do you know why David and your mom got in a fight this time?
They got in a fight because when he was arrested for failure to pay child support, he left his phone behind and my mom looked through his phone. She saw that he was texting some other woman, so he got mad and said that it was his private property and that she had no right to look through it. But they were married. They started arguing about it and he told my sister to leave, she didn’t though. That’s why she saw the whole thing. Nothing she could do about it though.
Q: Why do you think your mom stays with David?
I don’t know. They’re high school sweethearts I guess. She wants to be happy.
Q: Where did you go when you left?
I spent the night on the street. At first I was at an automotive place with lights everywhere waiting for the storm to pass, but it never did. I tried to go to the bridge under seventh street where it would be dry, but I ended up on the steps of a restaurant by there. I had one backpack between my legs, another one on my back. I spent the night next to the bike rack just listening to music half-asleep, half-awake.
Q: Did you get much sleep?
No, I hardly got any. Every little sound would wake me up. I would look around to make sure everything was alright and check my surroundings. I don’t know how long I ended up asleep for. Around 6 AM, I started hearing cars so I got up. The restaurant opened around then so I felt it was my time to go anyway. I ate there that morning and some woman paid for my meal.
Q: Did you recognize anyone there that may have paid for you?
There was a woman who looked at me and then did a double take. Like she knew me, but wasn’t quite sure. I never got a good look at her and she left before I found out that she paid.
James, by the age of eighteen, watched two different men repeatedly physically abuse his mother, watched those same two men travel in and out of prison, was run over by a large truck causing one father figure to leave, the other asked for a test to prove that he was not the father, works forty-five hours a week to support himself on top of a full course load of high school classes, and is still graduating this year. That is an exceptional accomplishment worthy of praise. It is easy to forget how much our students overcome daily beyond their academic performance. The weight of the world can hang quite heavy on many of their shoulders.
If you, or someone you know is in an emotionally, physically, or psychologically abusive relationship, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available to help. Their phone number is 1-800-799-7233. They provide victim support services to help abused individuals find safety.
